Families I can't afford 
2010-07-29 15:40:48
Submit your commentONE of the perks of being a childless singleton is that it's supposedly cheaper than family living. But with more friends tying the knot and doing related grown-up things, it's getting costlier by the day.
And not because I have more friends than I can afford, but my existing friends have now grown into families units - which I can no longer afford.
Most women have a core group of at least three girlfriends.
When it was their birthdays, you knew exactly what they wanted - thanks to hints dropped all year. And because they are your girls, you do it gladly.
If one of the girls was having a bad day, the rest would scoop her up from work, and go for drinks.
If you were bored, you could stop by at anyone of their homes wearing your favourite old paint-stained, tattered tracksuit pants and slippers. The four of you could drink coffee and talk for hours on end.
Enter Prince Charming. One of the girls has met a guy. She's in love. You stay in touch for all the juicy updates, but give the new couple room for the initial honeymoon phase. But slowly the merging of their personalities and lives begin.
Suddenly, when you call her about having drinks, she first has to check what plans he may have for them. You can't exactly tell her that she can't be held liable for plans that have not yet been discussed with her. Surely if they were important, she would know. Instead, you internalise your irritation.
Next thing to fly out of the window is quality time with your friend.
It's crisis time. You've had a week from hell at work. Your family is driving you up the wall. You suspect the guy you're dating is actually secretly cross-dressing. You need a drink with your friend.
Only now, it becomes your friend and her partner. And because you invited her - them - out for a drink, you have to foot the bill. Three is fast becoming a crowd. After a few months, they're still together and while you have your reservations about him, he becomes a default friend. You don't have much interest in his job, hobbies and dreams, but he does make your friend happy. So you tolerate his presence.
When his birthday rolls around, you get your invitation to the party. Do I go to his party? It'll be rude not to. Do I buy him a gift? Of course, I can't go empty handed. What does he even want? He doesn't seem like the socks and tie type, but I'm definitely not forking out a fortune on a default friend. So, you settle on a bottle of wine, hoping he's not a connoisseur and doesn't realise you bought it at the local supermarket.
When it's your birthday, however, you notice the card has been signed by both of them. And while default friend probably had no hand in choosing your gift, the couple did go Dutch. As they now do with all their expenses.
At dinner parties where each person brings a dish, they come with one. They can use their joint income to buy a house, while you put your kidney on the black market to afford yours.
As time goes by, your friend announces she's marrying Prince Charming. Okay, that's sweet.
But, you blow a fortune on hosting the best bachelorette party; your friend deserves the best send-off. Then there's the perfect wedding gift. Soon after that it's her birthday. Then his birthday. Another bottle of wine. Then the anniversary gift. Then there's a baby. More gifts. The baby shower. The birth. The baptism. More birthdays. Anniversaries. You now have to include this entire family unit into your budget.
And as if it's an infectious disease, the other people in your core group follow suit.
Pretty soon, you're broke and drinking home-made cocktails in your garden by yourself in your paint-stained tracksuit and slippers.
When I think about it, couples are rewarded for each step they take. Yet, it seems as if those of us who are single, either by choice or design, are penalised.
Next thing you know, we'll have to pay singles' tax too. Or be subject to a special singles' section in the meat market. And singles' entrances to all public amenities.
With no marriage plans in the foreseeable future, my single friend Ruby and I have devised a strategy. We plan to host a charity party where the guests will have to either give us gifts or cash because we are the charity. The profits will be used to fund gifting expenses.
It's fun, cheap and we'll score. After all, isn't that what being single is all about?
And not because I have more friends than I can afford, but my existing friends have now grown into families units - which I can no longer afford.
Most women have a core group of at least three girlfriends.
When it was their birthdays, you knew exactly what they wanted - thanks to hints dropped all year. And because they are your girls, you do it gladly.
If one of the girls was having a bad day, the rest would scoop her up from work, and go for drinks.
If you were bored, you could stop by at anyone of their homes wearing your favourite old paint-stained, tattered tracksuit pants and slippers. The four of you could drink coffee and talk for hours on end.
Enter Prince Charming. One of the girls has met a guy. She's in love. You stay in touch for all the juicy updates, but give the new couple room for the initial honeymoon phase. But slowly the merging of their personalities and lives begin.
Suddenly, when you call her about having drinks, she first has to check what plans he may have for them. You can't exactly tell her that she can't be held liable for plans that have not yet been discussed with her. Surely if they were important, she would know. Instead, you internalise your irritation.
Next thing to fly out of the window is quality time with your friend.
It's crisis time. You've had a week from hell at work. Your family is driving you up the wall. You suspect the guy you're dating is actually secretly cross-dressing. You need a drink with your friend.
Only now, it becomes your friend and her partner. And because you invited her - them - out for a drink, you have to foot the bill. Three is fast becoming a crowd. After a few months, they're still together and while you have your reservations about him, he becomes a default friend. You don't have much interest in his job, hobbies and dreams, but he does make your friend happy. So you tolerate his presence.
When his birthday rolls around, you get your invitation to the party. Do I go to his party? It'll be rude not to. Do I buy him a gift? Of course, I can't go empty handed. What does he even want? He doesn't seem like the socks and tie type, but I'm definitely not forking out a fortune on a default friend. So, you settle on a bottle of wine, hoping he's not a connoisseur and doesn't realise you bought it at the local supermarket.
When it's your birthday, however, you notice the card has been signed by both of them. And while default friend probably had no hand in choosing your gift, the couple did go Dutch. As they now do with all their expenses.
At dinner parties where each person brings a dish, they come with one. They can use their joint income to buy a house, while you put your kidney on the black market to afford yours.
As time goes by, your friend announces she's marrying Prince Charming. Okay, that's sweet.
But, you blow a fortune on hosting the best bachelorette party; your friend deserves the best send-off. Then there's the perfect wedding gift. Soon after that it's her birthday. Then his birthday. Another bottle of wine. Then the anniversary gift. Then there's a baby. More gifts. The baby shower. The birth. The baptism. More birthdays. Anniversaries. You now have to include this entire family unit into your budget.
And as if it's an infectious disease, the other people in your core group follow suit.
Pretty soon, you're broke and drinking home-made cocktails in your garden by yourself in your paint-stained tracksuit and slippers.
When I think about it, couples are rewarded for each step they take. Yet, it seems as if those of us who are single, either by choice or design, are penalised.
Next thing you know, we'll have to pay singles' tax too. Or be subject to a special singles' section in the meat market. And singles' entrances to all public amenities.
With no marriage plans in the foreseeable future, my single friend Ruby and I have devised a strategy. We plan to host a charity party where the guests will have to either give us gifts or cash because we are the charity. The profits will be used to fund gifting expenses.
It's fun, cheap and we'll score. After all, isn't that what being single is all about?
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4 Weeks ago Single guy wrote :
It could be that the recession plays a part in families becoming excessively stingy with their time and money nowadays. When some of my older friends get selfish like that, I just go out and find new friends that aren't boring and do wanna hang out. There are plenty of singles out there.
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Cape Town
